Taste the Rainbow. Shit the Rainbow.

My husband and I were in the kitchen looking for whatever and he turns and asks, "I wonder how rainbows are made?" Me being the smartass that I am I said, "I know. Let me tell you how rainbows are made."

So gather round my young grasshoppers and lend me your ear for I have a story to tell. It is a mystical tale with twists and turns that leave your stomach turning. This story is called, "Taste the Rainbow. Shit the Rainbow."

Ever realize that rainbows are a little unpredictable? You never know if they are going to show up. That is because of Skittles. Whenever people at the airport eat a bag of skittles they shit them out at 40,000 feet. They literally just shit out skittles. These skittles come shooting out of their asses like a bullet flying out of a barrel. If you ever walk into an airplane bathroom and it smells fruity than you'll know why. Anyways, that shit gets dropped into the air turning into different colors of the rainbow. After the rainbow is tired of being high and ready to come down, it gets swooped away by wind. The wind takes the rainbow to it's final destination which is a Skitteks factory. The wind drops rainbows off and they manufacture into more skittles. These skittles are processed and shipped out for human consumption. 

So kids, what are we going to say to someone next time when they hand you a bag of skittles? Say "Fuck yea! Taste the rainbow, shit the rainbow!"

Take Me To Church

Thank God it's Friday! I may not be a very religious person but after coming home from work this week I feel as though I need to repent for the amount of times I took God's name in vein. Every day I go to work pumped ready to shit out skittles for these customers; but when the clock strikes 10:15 I am ready to take a pineapple and shove it so far up their asses that I hope it bleeds.

November is month 3 for my time served at the old tech support penitentiary and every time, I feel as though I am serving 25 to life. If you've ever work as tech support at a call center you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't count your lucky stars because God has saved you from getting your ears pounded with a 12 inch dildo. Speaking of dildos, any customer who calls in for tech support should be required to have a quick jerk off session before they get their issue resolved. The automated message would go like this; "If you have finished choking your chicken or patting the man in the canoe you may press 1 for tech support. If you have finished petting the kitty and beating off and are still angry press 2 and than keep chugging until you can't chug anymore". I think this  improved system would result in very satisfied customers who would make me a happier person.

I may bitch a lot but this technical support job is one that I take great pleasure in. You learn to take the good with the bad and find a way to balance them both out so that your chi isn't fucked up for the rest of your life. Just kidding you guys! It will only fuck up your chi a little bit. The biggest thing I've learned while working here is that it's all about the little things. You have to take something from each day and make it enjoyable and fun to you.